July 30, 2007

Two Blogs and a Dumbass

Extra, Extra Read All About It

Just in case you need a few more blogs to read, I have a couple to suggest. The first is a travelouge of my brother-in-law and sister-in-law's year-long RV adventure across North America. One year. In an RV. I expect that each post might be a little more terse than the previous one. The Adventures of Chipper and Crab.

The next is The Northwest Arkansas Crime Report. Yeah, you can read about all the people that live around me who are a few peas shy of a casserole. The blog owner hasn't been updating very regularly lately (more bran, NWA Crime Report blog person), but it's still entertaining to read the older posts.

Stupid is as Supid Does. And Boy, Does This Guy do Stupid.

An unamed 49 y/o man was arrested for a bank robbery attempt. First of all, you guys know I hate having unamed people on my blog, so we're going to call this guy, Fredrico Umberton Carl Kevin Wilhite Ivan Thompson. Oh what the hell, let's make him Fredrico Umberton Carl Kevin Wilhite Ivan Thompson III. Fuckwit III for short.

Here are a few mistakes that Fuckwit III made while attempting to rob a bank.

1. Failed to notice the police cruiser sitting outside the bank. The police cruiser he walked by to enter the bank. Yeah, that police cruiser...sitting right outside the very same bank he was going to rob.

2. Failed to notice the police officer IN UNIFORM standing behind the counter inside the bank he was going to rob.

3. Upon speaking to the officer in uniform about his intentions to rob the bank, failed to notice that he was talking to a police officer in fucking uniform.

4. Failed to notice that when the officer asked him that if he knew that he could be arrested and imprisoned for such shenanigans that the officer he was talking to was...surprise...still in uniform.

5. And finally, his biggest mistake was that he tried to rob a bank while there was a police officer in uniform standing inside the bank he was trying to rob.

I'd like to give this story a happy ending. Like, Fuckwit III was just playing a practical joke and a bunch of the officer's friends jumped out from behind the potted plants in the lobby and they all shared a great, big, communal guffaw over it, then went and grabbed a few brewskis.

But, sadly that was not the case. Fuckwit III was arrested. But, at least he had a good reason for attempting to rob a bank with a uniformed police officer inside of it. He said he needed the money because his drug dealers were waiting outside for him and that if he didn't give them the money, they were going to kill him.

I would have never guessed that Fuckwit III was a user.

Just so you know I'm not making this up...here is the linkage.

Take Care,


  1. Brilliant, absolutely brilliant! Even better were the side stories which seem to indicate that South Bend is a more dangerous place to live than Detroit!

  2. You're so good with names. Why, I don't think I ever would've remembered Fredrico Umberton Carl Kevin Wilhite Ivan Thompson III! Damn, you're good at this!

  3. Anonymous1:59 AM

    Oh thank! you I think I have found my new bedtime reading. I didn't know I could find a babysitter THAT way!

    snort, have a look at the word verification: cucksg

  4. I saw a Church Sign last night that made me think of you and write it down so that I would remember it!

    "God answer knee-mail." Sorry, no picture, I was on my way to a massage and didn't have my camera with me.

  5. Shoot.

    God answers knee-mail.

    The church sign guy wasn't grammatically challenged...that was me.

  6. Anonymous12:49 PM

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  7. Flummy honey, maybe our friend F-3 isn't all that dumb after all. Seriously, if I was up to my eyeballs in debt to my dealer & he was going to kill me if I didn't rake up some cash for all that cheez he'd been frontin' me, you can bet your ass I'd take extra precautions so I'd be sure to get myself arrested.

    If I was lucky I might get to be somebody's rxslzmg in the hole. ;oP~~

  8. Kathleen - The guy was a real genius, huh? And thank you so much for the church sign. It will soon be a new post.

    Diana - Maybe I should start my own baby-naming business. You know, for parents who just can't figure it out. Maybe not.

    Claudia - There's a lot of cucksg around here, isn't there?

    Devil Woman - I'll bet F-3 is going to be somebody's rxslzmg in the hole.