It's that time again, kids. Another list of strange searches that have somehow led people to Flumadiddle Land.
- Jesus saves wallpaper - That Jesus is such a packrat. Seriously, he saves everything...wallpaper, hair from the sink drain, the plastic ring thingy from the milk jug. I think he's using the stuff to build a Jesus android in his basement. A really creepy Jesus android.
- Describe my husband's penis - I'm going to go with a one-word description: Hamsteresque.
- Crucifixion with nails BDSM - Christ on a stick! Are you kidding me? I knew there were some people with a few extra kink genes, but seriously. Crucifixion? Um. OUCH! I'll bet these people use something like "Jesus Christ, that fucking hurts" for their safe word.
- Saggy knees, Mothernature - Mothernature is a dirty, dirty whore.
- Are dead squirrels dangerous? -Um hello? Zombie squirrels! Haven't you heard of zombie squirrels? You know all those unexplained shin maimings you read about in the paper? Zombie squirrels. They're like totally mean little bastards.
- Video of boar copulating - Okay. I know my memory isn't what it used to be, but have I ever posted a video of swine mating? 'Cause I don't remember that, and I'm pretty sure that would be something that would stick in my mind.
Since I obviously talk about penises a lot on here, I would be remiss in passing up this story. And I can't go around being remiss. It's so unattractive.
Bostonians driving down Route 1 were in for a treat yesterday.
Instead of the usual boring "Construction ahead" or "Caution. Men Working" sign, they were greeted with something a little more to do with "southbound traffic".
Someone, who I'm pretty sure had to be around 15 or so, hacked into the computer program and changed the sign to read, "Penis for Lunch."
And really, what better lunch can you have than penis with a side salad?
Church Sign O' the Week
"This Sunday. Are you ready to rumble?"
Oh Church Sign Guy! I knew you were a wrestling fan. I just knew it. But who is doing the rumbling? Do you have tag-team preachers, or do you just let the congregation beat the shit outta the organist? On a side note, is it just me or do the words organist and pianist both sound a little dirty?
By the way, my beloved sign guy, I wouldn't watch wrestling for anything. In fact, I'd watch re-runs of Walker, Texas Ranger, until my eyes were bleeding before I'd watch wrestling. Hell, I'd watch The 700 Club before I'd watch wrestling. But I don't want you to think for one minute that this teensy-tiny difference between us will dampen my love for you, Church Sign Guy.
Oh no. You rock me harder than a Hanson concert.
The Bablatrice - who thinks Zombie Squirrels would make for a totally wicked band name.