I received an email from The Exterminator about a blog rating system that is on the website Mingle2. Here's what my blog received:
This rating was determined by the fact that I'd used the following words in my blog:
Hell (6x) Steal (4x) Dead (3x) and Pissed (1x).
Um, Mingle2 people? I think you might have missed a few words. Now, I realize that many people get offended when you use the word steal, but I use the word fuck way the fuck more than I do steal. How come f-u-c-k was omitted from your word list? Doesn't fuck beat out steal in the offensive category? I mean, one of the 10 Commandments even has the word steal in it, but have you ever seen a commandment that states, "Thou shalt not fuck."?
I didn't think so.
Okay, I have to veer off course for a minute and let you guys know that I just opened a package of pre-cut watermelon. And even though I'm always a little leery of pre-cut fruit, I have to say this is some of the best watermelon I've ever eaten. And now I've just noticed that instead of a normal expiration date, they've cleverly put Best if Enjoyed by 6/26/06. Well, I did enjoy it with 3 days to spare. In fact, I enjoyed the f-u-c-k out of it.
Anyway, back to the Mingle squared deal. I've also learned recently that I use the word penis or one of its various euphemisms a lot, and I'm severely disappointed that Mr. Bojangle and the Boys missed the list.
So, person at Mingle2 who came up with the rating system, as proud as I am of my NC-17 status - you might want to rethink your rating system. Or I'll have to steal something dead and then you'll sure as hell be pissed.
No Longer Living in Bumfuck
Well, I've moved to the city. I am no longer in the middle of nowhere. Now I am smack dab in the middle of somewhere. In an apartment no less. Where there are actually other people. And I can be at the store in mere minutes. OH MY GOD. I am finally back in civilization. Now, for those of you who can't fathom why someone would want to live around other people...well, I can't help it. I was born and raised in the city and it's just in my blood.
And just think...I'll have all kinds of apartment living stories now.
Take Care,
Babs
NC-17. Wow! I knew you'd be pleased, even though I'm jealous. You're an official card-carrying adult. I guess I'm gonna have to stop writing "fuck that shit" and start using "Boy, am I pissed" instead.
ReplyDeleteI got the same rating - for these words:
ReplyDeleteshit (7x) kill (5x) shitter (4x) bastard (2x) crack (1x)
Apparently using "Girls who squirt" is kosher while discussing sidewalk blemishes is not. Who knew?
And not even a slap on the wrist for "cempvx".
I don't recall you mentioning an upcoming move. And I'm just a little skittish around your choice of words when you say "I've moved" and not "we". I hope I'm not being too intrusive and I hope that all is well with you and your family.
ReplyDeleteWishing you peace, sincerely.
FUCK, I'm only rated R I best get on the swearing goddamned band-fucking-wagon.
ReplyDeleteWhoa nelly, an apartment? In an actual city? They have cities in Arkansas? Tell me you moved out on your own. Be my inspiration cuz that's what I wanna do. No, I didn't say that. Nemmind. Very very best of luck whatever, I hope you enjoy the f-u-c-k out of it. That's what we're on this planet here for, mainly (and helping others enjoy the f-u-c-k out of it too, natch).
ReplyDeleteTown...eeeek. I live in the sticks but it's still a relatively short drive to town - as in Fort Worth or Dallas. I hope you are well and keeping the lqervccs at bay.
ReplyDeleteI was postively merry when I got the nc-17 as well... I found it to be quite funny.
ReplyDeleteYa, I'm kinda wondering about the whole move thing too, but more importantly I'm really scratching my head over that watermelon that expired last year and still tasted so good. ;o)
ReplyDeleteOops...almost forgot. I got a PG-13 for hell (x4), pissed (x2) and whore (1x). When the fuck did I say whore?
ReplyDeletecould be worse...could be fqgbumun
lemme see if I can jumble this all together regarding the word fuck.
ReplyDeleteIt didn't make the bible for the obvious reason that it is not Aramaic, or Greek or Latin. Well there may be a latin root word in there somewhere. So given our rating system, it probably did not meet the offense meter of the person doing the rating. Very curious. Also I hope the apartment is spacious, comfy, loft like ... send pictures! R
Well, Flummy, since so many of your readers are hungry for intimate details of your life, perhaps they'll be glad that you're tagged.
ReplyDelete(Click on the link to see what the silly game is.)
I like apt. living. I like knowing there are people around and since I've lived in this building for 7+ years, I know people are watching out for me. We have a few new people, but they seem like good additions - quiet. No crazies in my building, thankfully, unless you count me. ;-)
ReplyDeleteI'm bxsldf that I can't type the bloody word verification today!
I hope the move is good for you.
Woohoo!! I'm also NC-17. Reasoning?
ReplyDeleteThis rating was determined based on the presence of the following words:
pain (7x) crappy (5x) zombie (3x) death (2x) breast (1x)
Ex - I think Boy Howdy, am I ever pissed! will go farther in getting you your naughty rating.
ReplyDeleteFwig- Thank you - not just for your concern, but also for using the word skittish
Carla - Try talking about stealing things more - or penises. That should work.
Don - Well, it passes for a city in Arkansas. It has buildings that are more than 2 stories high and has restaurants and even a venue for concerts and off-broadway shows and such. Or maybe it's off-off-off-way the fuck off Broadway. But it's culture, nonetheless. I'd be thrilled to be your inspiration.
Sharna - The lqervccs are definitely at bay. I think it's the garlic.
Crazy - YOU got an NC-17??
Dave - That's what made it so good - fermentation. Yum.
Royce - The apartment is very roomy - at least for me. And definitely comfy.
Ex - I am both flattered and honored. I haven't been tagged since the 5th grade.
Kathleen - I like apartment living too. It somehow makes me feel safer knowing there are people next to me. Weird, huh? And shame on you for using the word breast! I'm shocked!!!
Funny thing is that I don't remember using the word breast...or zombies. I'm thinking it was the zombies that put me over the edge and into NC-17 land.
ReplyDeleteWord verification: losrnbc
How did they know that I can't stand NBC? ;-)