June 9, 2007

Kick That Baptist Demon in the Jimmy

Um.....Oops?

Annapolis police made a wee bit of an error when conducting a raid. They burst through the front door of Silvia Bernal and her unnamed husband. He probably really does have a name, but the article didn't give it, so we're going to call him Harold. Anyway the police broke through the door, set off a couple of flash-bang grenades, kicked Harold right in the cockinballs then wrestled the pair to the ground and handcuffed them. They kicked Harold in the nuts! Do police officers go through groin-kicking training?

So, after KICKING HAROLD IN THE NUTS, the police realized that they'd raided the wrong apartment.

But the police spokesman stated that the incident was regrettable so I'm sure that made Silvia, Harold and Harold's scrotum feel all better.

And That's When the Town Went to Hell

Watch out, San Antonio! Your fair city will soon see a ginormous boost in alcohol sales, and all you San Antonio hookers better be ready for a little overtime. Why? Because the Southern Baptist Convention is holding their annual national meeting right there in your city next week.

Those Southern Baptists are going to be arguing over things like whether it's okay to speak in tongues or not.

Important shit, people.

Just imagine a city overrun by Baptists. It would truly be my version of hell.

Do you think hookers get time and a half for overtime?

She's Just a Devil Woman

Call me forward, but I gotta know. Have any of you ever had sex with a demon? I know I have. They're some kinky little fuckers. But now I've found the woman who can make those sex demons disappear. Her name is Erica Shepherd and she claims she can wash that incubus or succubus right outta your hair.

I'll bet you're wondering how exactly one picks up a sex demon, aren't you? Well, don't try any of the usual pick-up lines. They don't work. Instead, sleep in a hotel room without praying over it first. Or dabble in witchcraft. Try your hand at astral projection. Visit a foreign country. Or, just go to sleep. Try these things and you'll have sex demons riding you like a crack whore on dollar night.

Just remember when you're through with your dalliance with demons, call Erica and she'll have those sexual fiends gone lickety-split.

Take Care,
Babs

5 comments:

  1. Damn...sounds like fun! I'm going to have to try some of that. Might be the only action I get now that The Man works nonstop...

    Oooh baby, I love it when you stroke my ifjcq like that...

    ReplyDelete
  2. I would have commented sooner, but I was distracted by this huge sucking sound coming from the state of Texas...if religion was worth anything they's have happy hour.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thank God I live in the north, so I can't imagine the Southern Baptist convention would deign to come here.

    Egads, poor Harold. I'm thinking "lawsuit." A number of years back, the Detroit police & SWAT team (even though I think the T stands for team) were raiding the house next door to a dear friend's house. The Free Press listed Elaine's address as the drug house.

    ReplyDelete
  4. From now on whenever someone knocks on my door I'm gonna shout, "COME ON IN! AND IF YOU'RE THE POLICE PLEASE DON'T KICK ME IN THE BALLS! I'LL COME PEACEFULLY! HONEST!"

    I'm not gonna end up like Harold. He shoulda been more prepared.

    ytvduba dubba doo

    ReplyDelete
  5. Sarge6:02 AM

    Kathleen, you're too late. I live in central Pennsylvania and the Southern Baptists are in fact here.

    My parents tried to make me a Southern Baptist (I spent the majority of my teenage years in Virginia) and they were delegates to the Southern Baptist Convention ,eeting one year. In the city where this took place several symposiuns/meetings took place in other places than the main hall, they used local theaters.

    At one, it was said, the marquee had not been completely changed, and with the welcome to the attendees there was part of an advert for a previous movie, it reportedly said, "where the hot wind blows..." Not even my father could find an untruth in that.

    ReplyDelete