tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-338517322024-03-23T12:50:09.121-05:00FlumadiddleNonsensical, yet diverse ramblings that may include subjects such as: art, love, hate, rants, sacrilege, politics, humor, sex, music, religion, atheism, childhood, the weather, death, chocolate, current events, history, living among rednecks or my ineptitude in social settings.
<a href="http://twitter.com/home?status=If+you+need+some+funny+in+your+life+Check+out+this+blog+http://tinyurl.com/39kxwld">Click here to Tweet About this Blog</a>Babs Gladhandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05120612577936100239noreply@blogger.comBlogger244125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33851732.post-91783040106486643722011-03-31T13:23:00.001-05:002011-03-31T19:39:48.914-05:00March Comes In Like a Lion, Blows Out Like a Lamb<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Hi kids! It's me again. Here for what is turning out to be my monthly blog post. It seems like my monthly posts are going to be about blowjobs. There are worse subjects, I suppose. I'm a horrible person for not blogging more and probably should be punished. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">You know who else should be punished? Pastor John Naylor. A fine upstanding man of god. But, he'd probably like his punishment...especially if he could pay you for it. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.whiotv.com/news/27293804/detail.html">Pastor John Naylor</a> was arrested for paying for an 8-minute, 20 dollar blowjob. It seems John went out cruising for a little sucky after visiting someone in the hospital. That's just like Jesus used to do. Heal the sick, get a blow job. Make the blind man see, demand a hummer as payment. And if Jesus H. Christ raised someone from the dead, the newly minted zombie had to give Jesus a blowjob and hand wash all of his delicates. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
But back to 8-minute John. Hey...he's a john named John! Anyway...</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">John didn't realize that the police were watching him as he picked up the prostitute and drove to a house. Eight minutes later he and the prostitute exited the house. John had a huge smile on his face, and the prostitute was shoving massive amounts of Wrigley's Spearmint gum into her mouth. Rumor also has it that he paid the prostitute an extra 20 bucks to stay in the house 6 minutes longer than necessary just so he didn't look like a freak. The funniest part is that the police had no proof that he'd paid her for a blow job. John admitted that not only had he received a blow job that night, but that he'd paid hookers several times before. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Ah...confession is so goddamn good for the soul. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Big hugs,</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Babs</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh64RdodBFR1cJa_mBWekL-xJLq52sOB5_TTWt3jDmdZTusM8WPKEFB6Z52l3Nbou50-i2ts8uaQq_QKogzBGvMcE4h8YYLiKI2K8HFa3hBAjYMVtDIgcFgMhdbJRW00g9XvyS3Jw/s1600/3-23-11+PASTOR+NAYLOR+SEX+CRIME+_RVcgy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh64RdodBFR1cJa_mBWekL-xJLq52sOB5_TTWt3jDmdZTusM8WPKEFB6Z52l3Nbou50-i2ts8uaQq_QKogzBGvMcE4h8YYLiKI2K8HFa3hBAjYMVtDIgcFgMhdbJRW00g9XvyS3Jw/s1600/3-23-11+PASTOR+NAYLOR+SEX+CRIME+_RVcgy.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I would have charged WAY more than 20 beans.<br />
<br />
</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Babs Gladhandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05120612577936100239noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33851732.post-31959429466072513242011-02-01T15:21:00.000-06:002011-02-01T15:21:18.160-06:00Jerkin' Off for Jesus!<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Do you know what's happening this coming Sunday? I'm so excited! It's PORN SUNDAY! </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm sure you're wondering what Porn Sunday is, aren't you? Well, it's the brain child of Craig Gross who is the dude in charge over at the XXX Church in Dallas. From what I can tell, Craig loves porn almost as much as he loves Jesus, so he had to start a church about porn addictions. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I think the following explains how Craig came to start a porn church, and it's really a good how-to guide if you're wanting to start a porn chuch of your own. </span><br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgF2q-iJBCduUr80nzd8vqqLFuE2Z0bDixXRNRBVPxyDxEv5q4DACfAIOH1Wxx1hnoVG8PUjWooGBVq9xS95D6id2XknTbAF6e2Cd6w58k5J3SZ3sfU8gBuQXm1_PtQKqmXZNgR6A/s1600/How+to+start+a+porn+church.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="640" s5="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgF2q-iJBCduUr80nzd8vqqLFuE2Z0bDixXRNRBVPxyDxEv5q4DACfAIOH1Wxx1hnoVG8PUjWooGBVq9xS95D6id2XknTbAF6e2Cd6w58k5J3SZ3sfU8gBuQXm1_PtQKqmXZNgR6A/s640/How+to+start+a+porn+church.jpg" width="448" /></span></a></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div align="left" class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div align="left" class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So, on Porn Sunday, there will be over 300 churches across the US that are going to play a simulcast video of some NFL players and Craig talking about porn. You know what I think? I think that Craig's fantasy might be to be the middle meat in a big 'ol football team manwich. </span></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There are even going to be pre-game parties for Porn Sunday. I'd go to one, but I'm not sure what kind of dip is appropriate to take to a Porn Sunday pre-game party. </span></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If you can't make it to a pre-game party or church on <a href="http://xxxchurch.com/getinvolved/x3events/pornsunday.html">Porn Sunday</a>, then I think the least you can do is rub one out for Jesus. </span></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Happy Wanking!</span></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Babs</span></div>Babs Gladhandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05120612577936100239noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33851732.post-52699293162096876832011-01-13T08:57:00.001-06:002011-01-13T08:57:00.200-06:00I've Got a Handle on the Situation<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">Yesterday in a fit of domesticity, I was sweeping the hallway and backed into the closet door. During the simultaneous backing and sweeping, I somehow managed to get the door handle stuck through the center, back belt loop of my jeans. The handle looks as such: </div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div> <br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhD84iosg0uwdXNoZx-nDD3m6pZYYrq4z4mEB-EiMFnCVJ933hmkWNwXOmZxAsvyl-B16Jgl3eORNjn6bpOw82RKbuQNCcchPSoGLXfKNs1r8NF0ZI9QmLfS0Zcb7LN0hS2uNNAig/s1600/door-option-swirled.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="171" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhD84iosg0uwdXNoZx-nDD3m6pZYYrq4z4mEB-EiMFnCVJ933hmkWNwXOmZxAsvyl-B16Jgl3eORNjn6bpOw82RKbuQNCcchPSoGLXfKNs1r8NF0ZI9QmLfS0Zcb7LN0hS2uNNAig/s320/door-option-swirled.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Not the actual handle, but close to what it looks like. It would take effort to take a picture of the actual lever, and I don't think any of you are surprised that absolutely no effort is put into this blog. </td></tr>
</tbody></table> <br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">I tried scooching my butt to the side so I could free myself, but my belt loop kept hanging up on the curled part of the handle. Plus, I couldn't see what was going on and I was having to work behind my back which made things even more difficult. </div><br />
After a couple of minutes of trying to extricate myself, I started to panic. It was 3 hours before Eric would be home. There was no way I could take off my jeans. My phone wasn't in reach for me to call someone to come set my ass free (literally), and I seriously doubted that our two cats would be able to extricate me or go for help. In fact, they're so fat and lazy, they'd probably pass out from sheer exhaustion before they got halfway down the driveway (plus, they're horrible with directions). <br />
<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">I was beginning to worry about how I could possibly entertain myself for three hours while being attached to a door, but more importantly, what if I had to pee??? And then I thought that some chick being freed from the closet door by the UPS man who heard her screams for help, would make for a really, really bad porno scenario. So, if you're in the market to make a really, really bad porno, feel free to totally steal this idea. </div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">Anyway, back to my predicament. </div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">I suppose that all that panic created a little bit of an adrenalin rush, because I somehow managed to rip the door off the hinges. <span style="font-size: large;">WITH MY ASS.</span> </div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">Okay, that was a big, fat lie. The reality is that with a few more panic-induced tries and a string of words that would make a longshoreman blush, I was finally able to loosen myself from the door handle. </div><br />
I don't really think there's a moral to this story except to maybe watch where you're sticking your ass. <br />
<br />
You probably want to watch what you're sticking up your ass, too. <br />
<br />
Big Ol' Butt Slaps, <br />
BabsBabs Gladhandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05120612577936100239noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33851732.post-84620155707270856612011-01-09T14:35:00.000-06:002011-01-09T14:35:59.072-06:00Scandal #1 for 2011<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Yes, it's been awhile. I've been a busy girl. Last month I moved in with Eric the Bastard. I think the popular kids are calling living together "domestic partnership" now. I prefer either "living in sin" or "shacking up". "Shacking up" sounds especially white trashy doesn't it? After getting everything moved, I was forced to celebrate Christmas and New Year's. Throw in a hurt shoulder from moving a 986 pound desk down a flight of stairs, and then a week and a half of puking and I haven't really felt like blogging. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">To kick things off for 2011, I'm bringing you a story of depravity, debauchery and maybe a little dickerydoo. The director of the Missouri Baptist Convention, </span><a href="http://www.news-leader.com/article/20110107/BREAKING01/110107011/1007/NEWS01/Baptist+Convention+head+resigns+citing++immoral+behavior+"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Dr. David Tolliver</span></a><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">, has resigned from his position due to "immoral behavior with a woman". Unfortunately, I haven't been able to find any information on what the "immoral behavior" was. What the hell kind of reporting is that, news people? I want to know exactly what Dave did with this woman. I want details. I want graphs and charts. I want photos. Did they do it? Did he just feel her up a little after Sunday School? Did he just waggle his dick at her? Was she even really a woman? Maybe he just popped a boner while feasting on the Chicken Surprise Casserole she brought to the after church fellowship. </span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsqq6D4V63zU97R9IVQAn8zqtj4qCIsw7yUZGY36cSZFd821U0zUIZpDf3er405CwQp0rtGjqJ0zZXMFCIyMxlDve85c8yrCK_OtHQKoCW4j40YRlzcb0Hzoapu4ucWgBzYK0KyQ/s1600/DrTolliver.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="213" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsqq6D4V63zU97R9IVQAn8zqtj4qCIsw7yUZGY36cSZFd821U0zUIZpDf3er405CwQp0rtGjqJ0zZXMFCIyMxlDve85c8yrCK_OtHQKoCW4j40YRlzcb0Hzoapu4ucWgBzYK0KyQ/s320/DrTolliver.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Whatever it was, I'm sure it was all Satan's fault. And, after seeing a pic of Dave, I've changed my mind about needing photos. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Big Hugs, </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Babs </span>Babs Gladhandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05120612577936100239noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33851732.post-58992576414118310352010-11-22T08:08:00.013-06:002010-11-22T08:08:00.597-06:00Thou Shalt Not Use Facebook<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjd2OTWlg_kFif4WG4qWJSQelEkDurCQ87q7Na4jm4kbNKxyMRpwBd2g2fjWYbTWjgMuNIRyPl2Vvs9My0tNnTJ-E49g6hoT7M3IvYx7A-gFbAu2XFYOK4v-JxjlOAZ5gBANurV0A/s1600/cedric-miller-facebook.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="192" ox="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjd2OTWlg_kFif4WG4qWJSQelEkDurCQ87q7Na4jm4kbNKxyMRpwBd2g2fjWYbTWjgMuNIRyPl2Vvs9My0tNnTJ-E49g6hoT7M3IvYx7A-gFbAu2XFYOK4v-JxjlOAZ5gBANurV0A/s320/cedric-miller-facebook.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">After reading an article about Pastor Cedric Miller's view on Facebook, I'm demanding that Facebook change it's name to "Fornicationbook". Yes, it's a tad wordier, but hella more appropriate. You see, kids, Cedric believes that seemingly innocent re-connecting with old friends and flames on Facebook leads to adultery and and all manner of debauchery. I have to agree with him. Facebook is a den of iniquity that is teeming with the allure of high school exes and hookups that never happened. And it makes my naughty parts tingle every single fucking time I sign on. </span></div><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I guess I just have a lot of fortitude, because god in heaven knows how tempting it is to want to hook up with the ex-boyfriend who gave me slobbery kisses in the backseat of a '73 Plymouth Duster while clumsily trying to cop a feel of my boobs. And the fact that we haven't seen each other in over 20 years and probably don't have a goddamn thing in common makes an affair even MORE alluring. Sweet merciful lord save me! </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">But enough about me. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Let's get back to Pastor Cedric. Not only did Cedric claim that Facebook was a "portal to infidelity", he even demanded that his church leaders delete their Facebook accounts or resign from their positions. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Speaking of positions, I wonder which one Cedric was in when he and his wife had a three-way affair with a church member a few years ago. </span><br />
<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">A male church member. </span></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Yes Sirree Bob! After delivering his Facebook sermon, it was revealed that ol' Ced was getting his kink on in a little holy trinity of his own. </span></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Well, A-fucking-men and pass the anal lube!</span></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">You can read about Cedric <a href="http://www.abcactionnews.com/dpp/news/region_north_pinellas/palm_harbor/pastor-to-church-members%3A-'quit-facebook!'">here</a> and <a href="http://www.boston.com/news/nation/articles/2010/11/21/he_didnt_practice_what_he_preached/">here</a>. </span></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Big wet sloppy kisses and boob grabs, </span></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Babs</span></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div>Babs Gladhandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05120612577936100239noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33851732.post-56356652761458955812010-11-19T09:55:00.001-06:002010-11-19T10:00:05.953-06:00Hug Me<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Have you recently had a pet that crossed Rainbow Bridge and is now in that big pet park in the sky? Do you wish you could still wrap your arms around your pet and give him or her a great big hug? Well, wish no more. In just five easy steps, you can have your arms wrapped around Fifi Fluffydoodle lickityfuckinsplit! </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">1. Have your pet cremated. This may require some digging and a really big bonfire if you already went with a conventional burial. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">2. Go over to </span><a href="http://softhearted.com/"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">softhearted.com</span></a><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> and order one of their pet pillows with the special ash pouch. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">3. Tuck the plastic bag of pet ashes into the pouch. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">4. Put the special ash pouch inside your pillow. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">5. Hug the life out of your pet! Well, I guess that's not possible, but you can hug really, super duper hard. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">One of the many, many totally groovy things about the pet pillow is that it will accommodate a wide variety of pets: rats, birds, ferrets, rabbits, reptiles, dogs, cats, weasels, skunks, armadillos, lemurs - anything up to 150 pounds. That's 150 lbs before cremation, so your pet Sasquatch's ashes won't fit. Your pet pillow also comes in three neutral colors that are sure to match your decor, as long as you decor is creepy enough to include a pillow with your pet's ashes stuffed inside it. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">But the best part about the pet pillow? You can get one for as low as $110. That's right! Only 110 measely stinkin' American dollars. I know at first that may seem like a lot of money for a throw pillow, but it has a special ash pouch! A pouch that holds pet ashes! Of course, you could just buy the pouch for 10 bucks and shove it in a throw pillow you already have, but I don't think it would be as magical or huggable. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">What are you waiting for? Go order your pet pillow now!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Great big non-ashy hugs,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Babs</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Disclaimer: Neither Flumaiddle, Inc., its affiliates, associates or asshats have an affiliation with Soft-Hearted Products, nor does Flumadiddle, Inc., its affiliates, associates or asshats even have a soft heart.</span>Babs Gladhandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05120612577936100239noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33851732.post-20228599253559411182010-11-02T18:00:00.000-05:002010-11-02T18:00:46.461-05:00HOLY FUCK!<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I haven't posted anything here since October 13th. What the hell is wrong with me? I mean besides all <em>that</em>. I hereby solemnly vow that I will try my damnedest to be a little more frequent with my blogging. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">For today's post I thought we were due another installment of Desperately Seeking. We haven't had one in a long time, so I'll explain. The stat counter I use for my blog keeps track of all the searches people have conducted that have landed them here at Flumadiddle. Then I share the better ones with you, and by "better", I mean "more demented". So...here we go! The queries are in bold, my answers are not so bold. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<blockquote><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">•<strong>Who made fruitie balls?</strong> – The same company that makes Savorie Sacs. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">•<strong>Penis inside vagina, she said huck me</strong> - oh huck me! Huck me harder! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">•<strong>Bipolar express is that a joke?</strong> Yes. As well as bipolar cap and bipolar bear. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">•<strong>How to wear pink pumps</strong> – Grasp a pump firmly in one hand. Slide it onto a foot. Preferably yours. Repeat on other foot. Tada! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">• <strong>Virginity sho</strong> – Is this a fill in the blank? I’ll play along. Virginity sho’ was a long time ago. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">• <strong>Flaming seal</strong> – C’mon. Clubbing them is bad enough, but setting them on fire is just too much. Unless you mean, flaming, as in gay flaming. Well, in that case, flame on you fabulous seal!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">•<strong>Liver cleanse nibiruan council oil coke</strong>- I don't even have an answer for this one. Seriously. What the fuck were you on when you Googled this shit? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">•<strong>Flumadiddle recipe</strong> – It’s 3 parts flum to 7 parts diddle. Whisk until frothy. Enjoy!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">•<strong>Nun fuck blogspot</strong> - This one actually makes a lot of sense. </span></blockquote><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I sincerely hope everyone is doing well and that your life is going exactly the way you want it to. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">So much love it will choke you, </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Babs</span>Babs Gladhandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05120612577936100239noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33851732.post-43627926342847198832010-10-13T20:04:00.002-05:002010-10-13T20:08:03.382-05:00Nun, Nun, Nun, Nun. Nuuuuun!<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Oh, fuck me! I haven't blogged in forever, have I? I've actually been horrible at keeping anything updated. My life outside of my nunship keeps getting in the way. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I'm actually not quite sure that nunship is the proper term. Nunning? Nunifying? </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Anyway, here's a little nunnification for you</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIVa4ZymbzwldSDONlBzA6UcQCodesgmlJUeGmwYH_aGDUNDx05THOf4Rm442HBediPY8XRADtG0m0sT655WYeDZ5Av-vzY_OnhI1UEMbh_3Lfb9iQtImjr10p-jGcRR3ifEXxJQ/s1600/nuns.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><img border="0" ex="true" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIVa4ZymbzwldSDONlBzA6UcQCodesgmlJUeGmwYH_aGDUNDx05THOf4Rm442HBediPY8XRADtG0m0sT655WYeDZ5Av-vzY_OnhI1UEMbh_3Lfb9iQtImjr10p-jGcRR3ifEXxJQ/s640/nuns.jpg" width="512" /></span></a></div><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">::: </span><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Rubber-Duckie-Nun-Duck-Size/dp/B002Z3GCSO/ref=sr_1_41?ie=UTF8&qid=1287017062&sr=8-41"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Nun Duck</span></a><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> ::: </span><a href="http://mookiegifts.com/alemanunforr.html"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Nun Napkins</span></a><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> ::: </span><a href="http://www.stupid.com/fun/NCHK.html"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Nun Chuck</span></a><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> ::: </span><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Bluw-Inc-705-Racing-Nuns/dp/B000VML88A/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1287016102&sr=8-2"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Racing Nuns</span></a><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> ::: </span><a href="http://www.stupid.com/fun/NUNZ.html"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Nunzilla</span></a><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> ::: </span><a href="http://www.superdairyboy.com/Toys/Bop_Bags/Sister_Discipline.html"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Nun Bop Bag</span></a><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span></div><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Big Smooches, </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Babs</span>Babs Gladhandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05120612577936100239noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33851732.post-2117480598474076782010-09-27T12:10:00.000-05:002010-09-27T12:10:38.414-05:00The Straight Agenda<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I've decided that since the radical homosexuals have their own agenda, I should come up with a counter-agenda. I haven't gotten very far with what my counter-agenda will be. Mostly because I'm not very organized and I tend to be pretty fucking lackadaisical about agendas. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But here's what I'm working on: </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">1. An anti-gay agenda spray. It will be formulated to kill 98.9% of the bacteria that make up the gay agenda. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
2. An actual photo of a radical homosexual. I'd prefer a live capture, but I have a feeling that a radical homosexual is pretty hard to corner, much less get a pillowcase over their head.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">3. Coming up with a different name for radical homosexuals, because "radical homosexuals" takes too many syllables to say. </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If you can come up with an alternate name for "radical homosexuals", let me know in the comments. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span> <br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Loads of very straight love, </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Babs</span></span>Babs Gladhandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05120612577936100239noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33851732.post-42520535368550094822010-09-17T12:41:00.002-05:002010-09-17T12:43:13.301-05:00The Radical Homosexuals Meet the Big O<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">President Obama has a secret plan. A devious, secret plan. An appalling, devious, secret plan. What is his plan? He wants to imbed homosexuals in every government agency possible. How do I know of this secret plan? Because my buddy Eugene Delgaudio (if that's his real name) over at </span><a href="http://www.publicadvocateusa.org/"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Public Advocate</span></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> sent me an email telling me that President Obama is planning to "saturate the federal government with radical homosexuals". I know that Eugene is telling me the truth, too. For starters, even though Eugene has liberally peppered his email with requests for donations, I know he would never lie to me just to get money. In fact, I wrote Eugene back and made him pinky swear that he was telling me the truth. I know a virtual pinky swear isn't the same as the real thing, but it still counts, goddammit! </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Plus, I have my own sources and they've informed me that President Obama even has a slogan for his evil plan, "A homosexual in every pot." </span><br />
<br />
<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Eugene also let me know that the radical homosexuals' number one mission is to spread their agenda. I had a cousin who spread her agenda once and she ended up needing a round of antibiotics. You have to be careful with your agenda spreading, kids. </span></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Mr. Delgaudio doesn't ever say what would happen should the government be overrun by the gays and lesbians, but I'm thinking it would involve show tunes and softball games. And seqins. Lots of sequins. </span></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><br />
The scariest part of Eugene's email is that Barney Frank is trying to get the Gay Bill of Special Rights passed. I have no idea what unholy thing the Gay Bill of Special Rights is, but I have my sources working on it. So far I've learned that #3 on the Gay Bill of Special Rights is, "Dykes will receive a 25% discount on anything that's made of flannel." I'll post it in its entirety when I obtain this information. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Smacks on the ass, </span></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Babs</span></div>Babs Gladhandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05120612577936100239noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33851732.post-66599751599894079182010-09-15T10:59:00.001-05:002011-01-12T23:47:24.947-06:00T-Shirts and Magnets and Stickers, Oh My!<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have blasphemous t-shirts, magnets, bumper stickers and more for sale in my Zazzle shop. </span><br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.zazzle.com/flumadiddle"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">http://www.zazzle.com/flumadiddle</span></a><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Why are you still looking at this page?</span> <br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Great big wet smooches, </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Babs</span>Babs Gladhandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05120612577936100239noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33851732.post-17572979603746316192010-09-08T23:12:00.002-05:002010-09-08T23:36:46.800-05:00Excuse Me, But Your Holy Book's Aflame<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So Dove Outreach Center is going to burn some Qurans on Saturday and now everyone is getting all bent out of shape and scared that there will be anti-American protests. Well, I'm bent out of shape, too, but only because I think the Reverend Terry Jones, head preacher man at Dove, is a total pussy for merely burning Qurans. Grow a pair, Rev! If you really want to offend the Muslims, burn an actual Muslim. Better yet, stuff one of them in a pig that's dressed up like Muhammad and then burn the whole thing. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">See? Now that's the way to piss off the Muslims. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Which I don't want to do, because they might kill me. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In other news about religions that I really knowing nothing about, Rosh Hashanah began at tonight at sundown. I have no idea what Rosh Hashanah is except it's Jewish and sounds like it could be a Jewish sasquatch.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Make sure you eat all your gifelte fish, kids, or the Rosh Hashanah will come and eat you. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'm kidding. I know what Rosh Hashanah is. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It's when the Jews celebrate how they killed Jesus. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Now That's a Spicy Matzo Ball!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Babs</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span>Babs Gladhandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05120612577936100239noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33851732.post-46411023134176384292010-09-03T10:56:00.000-05:002010-09-03T10:56:59.465-05:00Banana Trumps Science<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">You guys remember Ray Comfort? The guy that hangs out with Kirk Cameron and says that a banana proves the existence of god. The Ray I blogged about </span><a href="http://rachelmurie.blogspot.com/2009/06/bananas-and-bibles.html"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">here</span></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">. Yeah. Banana Ray. So, Ray has his banana in a bunch because of Stephen Hawking's new book in which Hawking states that the creation of our universe didn't require any god. You know what Ray said about Stephen Hawking? He said that he was unscientific.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Let me say rephrase that. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Ray Comfort, the dude who attempts to prove there's a god by using a banana, said that Stephen Hawking, the fucking brilliant theoretical physicist, is unscientific. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">He then went on to show even more of his total and complete grasp of science by stating, "Nor should an atheist speak of gravity as being a 'law,' because that also denotes the axiom of a Law-giver. Laws don't happen by themselves."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Ray, I could explain to you how you're an imbecile, but I don't think you'd be able to understand because, well, you're an imbecile. So, I've made a graph for you. With pictures. </span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirq_JkCQke46d0waM_89-P4LNyjlfyrx1-8_E5285AC2fpjOswl8aI0bBm-19E4lwZ_WO0OZyR4eJ2TJPJ4hnZ1_PuDC96mMqVXeKgnqEjt3SaEQeR_gz5IH7sJkR4UV7a2G8REQ/s1600/Intelligence+Graph.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="160" ox="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirq_JkCQke46d0waM_89-P4LNyjlfyrx1-8_E5285AC2fpjOswl8aI0bBm-19E4lwZ_WO0OZyR4eJ2TJPJ4hnZ1_PuDC96mMqVXeKgnqEjt3SaEQeR_gz5IH7sJkR4UV7a2G8REQ/s640/Intelligence+Graph.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Well, I guess I was wrong. You aren't smart enough to be an imbecile, Ray. In fact, it looks like you're dumber than George W. Bush. You should just go find a cave to live in now. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Don't forget your helmet! </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Big Hugs, </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Babs</span>Babs Gladhandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05120612577936100239noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33851732.post-16148867681069191852010-09-01T16:48:00.001-05:002010-09-01T16:52:20.394-05:00Homocon Sounds Like a Gay RepellantI'm sure you've all heard by now that the gay Republican group, GOProud is hosting Homocon this month and that Ann Coulter is the keynote speaker. Ann "a huge cunt if I ever saw one" Coulter was also scheduled to be the keynote speaker for World Net Daily's very un-gay shindig the "Taking America Back National Conference", but WND dropped her gay-promoting ass when they learned about her HomoCon gig. <br />
<br />
Joseph Farah, founder of WND, is like way, way pissed at Ann and said that all future moustache rides for her have been cut off, which is a shame because Joey has quite the pornstache. <br />
<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0d2JYn-bc0p7R3jPErcXWJMrP1GI8vt8FQ5B2t5Cwq7mjhmnVe44zxwbKpDAx7WPYLq_IThqZTVhi28xFGkChjiLnF9YBzXeV7p9MT-Q2oE8zZiPP2vWE4zz3ejLVTpQd1T1bvg/s1600/joefarah.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" ox="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0d2JYn-bc0p7R3jPErcXWJMrP1GI8vt8FQ5B2t5Cwq7mjhmnVe44zxwbKpDAx7WPYLq_IThqZTVhi28xFGkChjiLnF9YBzXeV7p9MT-Q2oE8zZiPP2vWE4zz3ejLVTpQd1T1bvg/s320/joefarah.gif" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Now Joey is throwing a fit and posted a rant on the WND website stating that Homocon was aptly named because it "literally represents the homo conning of the Republican Party". You tell 'em, Joey. It's just like ComicCon literally representing the comic conning of the Nerd Party. God help us all if those liberty-hating nerds get the right to marry fellow nerds. Think of all the little nerdlets we'll have running around! I think we are all well aware that nerds, geeks and people who are just generally dorky are some of the most un-patriotic citizens we have...if they really ARE citizens. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Joey also states that GOProud supports special government perks for homosexuals. I really have no clue what he's talking about, but depending on the what the perks are, I could be persuaded to bat for the other team. So if any one you know about these, please drop me a line, okay? </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I dunno what to tell you, Mr. Fabulously Fanatical Farah. Your conservative peers have obviously pussed out and caved into the gay agenda. Just so you know, I'm pretty sure the next item on their agenda is to actually start shopping at the same grocery stores as us. Imagine the carnage that will ensue once they start spreading the gay all over the zucchini and casaba melons! </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">You can read Joey's rant <a href="http://www.wnd.com/index.php?fa=PAGE.view&pageId=197145">here</a>. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><a href="http://www.goproud.org/homocon-2010/">Here</a> is the link to Homocon. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Great big smooches! </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Babs</div></div>Babs Gladhandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05120612577936100239noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33851732.post-35942767109592145182010-08-28T11:01:00.001-05:002010-08-28T11:01:57.153-05:00OH! OH! OH GOD! YES! YES! YES!Carlos Bebeacua is Spanish, but lives in Sweden. He's Speden. He is the self-appointed cardinal of his own church, Madonna of the Orgasm. I'm not making that up. That's really his church's name and they worship orgasms. Carlos was trying to get his church recognized as an official faith, but Swedish judges said no to the O. <br />
<br />
Poor Carlos. <br />
<br />
Why does he have a church that worships the orgasm? Because according to Carlos orgasm = god and should be worshiped. Why not? At least it's something tangible and orgasms have done way, way, way more for me than any god ever has. Carlos believes that orgasms shouldn't be limited to ejaculation. He thinks that, "You can reach it through art or by looking at a landscape and thinking 'Wow!'"<br />
<br />
This only makes me think of one thing. Double rainbow dude. <br />
<object height="385" width="480"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/OQSNhk5ICTI?fs=1&hl=en_US"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/OQSNhk5ICTI?fs=1&hl=en_US" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="385"></embed></object><br />
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Just so you know that Carlos isn't a figment of my imagination, you can read the story <a href="http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2010/08/27/Court-rejects-Swedish-orgasm-church/UPI-86031282949188/">here</a>. <br />
<br />
Great big Os, <br />
BabsBabs Gladhandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05120612577936100239noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33851732.post-2124426335735765622010-08-24T09:20:00.000-05:002010-08-24T09:46:28.271-05:00Mad Dog vs. Obama<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">For the most part I'm okay with where I live. It may not be my number one choice, hell, it's not even in my top 10 choices, but I know I'm here for a few more years and I'm okay with that. Most of the time. I live in a college town so we tend to be a little more open minded than most other places in this state. At least I thought we were. Our local alternative paper, of which I am quite fond, tried running <a href="http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=4684126">Savage Love</a> last week and you'd have thought they posted a manual on how to rape and sacrifice small children, which is totally ridiculous. They don't publish the rape/sacrifice special until October. People were quite uptight about the column and made it clear that "porn" had no place in the paper. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">But that's not really what this post is about. That was just a warm-up to show just how amazing Arkansas can be. And by "amazing" I mean "goddamn backwards". </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Captain Woody and I were cruising down one of the fine highways in our fine state this weekend and we came upon this: </span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTtBNAAG_Vx35KsmVjOdaaqUIVfG5nnBEcoemg9ukPm7N_eAR2C2E8BF__DqKVnCUrgaj90zFX_BboNpnzCpXHjATEiiCko_9z24je6ReiVfrNmCmeHjCxrCYbe7o6HHPENEEeEg/s1600/prosecuteobama.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="449" ox="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTtBNAAG_Vx35KsmVjOdaaqUIVfG5nnBEcoemg9ukPm7N_eAR2C2E8BF__DqKVnCUrgaj90zFX_BboNpnzCpXHjATEiiCko_9z24je6ReiVfrNmCmeHjCxrCYbe7o6HHPENEEeEg/s640/prosecuteobama.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div align="left" class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And next to this very patriotic display was this...</span></div><div align="left" class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaLTC90glRunzxSozjC5zKF8xI1DxvcpyyAR7iS5zeQS28gpIhx9zVlR-LESml-P5pn_IEE4QVs1O_kuKOR1E4JPEodUuipCr-1zto9zbVxQi4P1o5RupXCpjO42cHWlhaszYbaw/s1600/obamas+jihad.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="459" ox="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaLTC90glRunzxSozjC5zKF8xI1DxvcpyyAR7iS5zeQS28gpIhx9zVlR-LESml-P5pn_IEE4QVs1O_kuKOR1E4JPEodUuipCr-1zto9zbVxQi4P1o5RupXCpjO42cHWlhaszYbaw/s640/obamas+jihad.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have no idea who these awesome vehicles belong to, so I'm just going to call him Fucktard Jimmy. Wait. He's obviously from the south, so I should call him Fucktard Jimmy Lee "Mad Dog" Prideaux. I'm sure that Jimmy pronounces his last name pry-ducks, lest anyone mistake him for one of those prissy French fuckers. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Anyway, Mad Dog, I just wanted to let you know how thrilled I am that you are exercising your freedom of speech and reminding all of the visitors to Arkansas who pass by your most genteel display just why we're still the butt of so many jokes. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Thanks a lot limp dick! </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Love, </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Babs</span></div>Babs Gladhandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05120612577936100239noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33851732.post-25117618204602099942010-08-12T12:17:00.002-05:002010-08-12T12:32:01.651-05:00Big, Huge, Fucking Announcement!<span style="font-family:verdana;">Okay, maybe it's not that big of an announcement, but I got your attention didn't I? </span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;">Coming soon: Pics of Babs in action. Probably not 'bow chicka bow wow' action, but you never know! </span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;">Lots of love, </span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;">Babs</span>Babs Gladhandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05120612577936100239noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33851732.post-59276092101664289542010-08-11T09:47:00.006-05:002010-08-11T10:11:56.623-05:00Gimme a D!<span style="font-family:verdana;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;">Pastor Donald Crosby may be just a bit of a drama queen. After being arrested for illegally protesting at a Warner Robins school, Donnie stated that "I don't scare easily. Lock me up as many times as you have to lock me up. Even kill me if you have to. I'm standing up for Jesus." </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;">I really don't think the police are going to kill you, Donnie. Of course, you do live in Georgia, so who knows what could happen.<br /></span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;">Donnie is upset that the school's mascot is a demon so he thought a protest was in order. The only problem with the protest was that Donnie didn't acquire a permit to protest. And even after the police asked him several times to leave the school property and go get a permit, Donnie refused. So, he was arrested. Now, Donnie wants us all to think that he was arrested for "standing up for Jesus", but that's just not true. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;"></span><span style="font-family:verdana;">Yo, Donnie! You were ar</span><span style="font-family:verdana;">rested for not having a permit. You weren't arrested because you voiced your opinion about how the demon mascot is evil and probably makes the kids want to do things like listen to rock music and touch each other in their naughty spots. You aren't a martyr. You're a fuckwit. And your shirt is ugly. </span><br /><br /><p><span style="font-family:verdana;"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5504167804282804050" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvE5txWrlJQ9lwDBdF1z1KcL5zJE2OC5pAMujEIu7e_ff62_KgQCO_AVM5elWSc4vV0XIdiC7hqeXbRLt_u8ZL21HvfRYxA61wYG1Cie1AbAGij6h6KbtewZQ6lou-dLBS7gIjDw/s400/Its+Donnie" /></span><span style="font-family:verdana;">And, the sign one of your protestors was holding up that read, "Home games will have to be played in hell." - Well, no fucking shit, dude. Once again, YOU LIVE IN GEORGIA! </span></p><p><span style="font-family:verdana;">And, your shirt is still ugly. </span></p><p><span style="font-family:verdana;">Big demonic kisses, </span></p><p><span style="font-family:verdana;">Babs</span></p><p><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><a href="http://www.13wmaz.com/news/local/story.aspx?storyid=85871&catid=7">Here's </a>the story. </span></p>Babs Gladhandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05120612577936100239noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33851732.post-54380635626700823842010-08-09T10:37:00.005-05:002010-08-09T10:40:11.449-05:00Church Sign O' the Week<span style="font-family:verdana;"> </span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;">It's been a long time since I've posted a church sign, but I think this one was worth the wait. I don't even have to comment on it. The sign says it all. Thank you, Church Sign Guy. I still love you more than life itself.</span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;"> <img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 266px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5503434903011879330" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqeg2VGcN3e5Ab7WlyqAEOtO5itiLT2WabIuoIQDo0GECEmoU364EE6SdpCB8BUQxJbIAifsP8LVOvqOipLdtuZjF9C8GKBNuv04qLbWS-l1BGjt508W9Rd4vDgm-27C0Dcg9aBQ/s400/JesusSatisfies.jpg" /></span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;">Great big orgasms from Jesus, </span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;">Babs<br /></span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;"></span>Babs Gladhandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05120612577936100239noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33851732.post-36479155366349760152010-08-04T05:44:00.007-05:002010-08-05T12:20:38.250-05:00Not Your Mother's Sears<span style="font-family:verdana;">Tim Wildmon, Chief Twatwaffle of the American Family Association, is at it again. This time he has his knickers in a knot because Sears sells posters with naked women on them. How pissed is he?<br /><br />Pissed enough that he took the time to place the posters on the AFA website. Of course, he blurred out the model's naughty bits so as to not cause our eyes to burst into flames the minute we laid eyes on a pair of bare boobies.<br /><br />Here's what Tim had to say about the posters, "These aren't just posters of scantily-clad women. Some of them depict groups of people, lesbians and others engaged in ***ual activities. Very little is left to the imagination."<br /><br />Do you think Tim always speaks in asterisks?<br /><br />I'm sure that his whole deal with putting the posters on the AFA website was explained away as research. I mean, Jesus himself probably told Tim to look at the posters of nude women and then rub his mouse around and around and around their girl parts to blur them out. He probably even had to do it several times to make sure he got it right. It's a good thing you can use the blur tool in Photoshop with just one hand, huh? </span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;">From now on, research=wank time! </span><p><span style="font-family:verdana;">What I want to know is...how did Tim find these pics anyway? Hmmmm....</span></p><a href="http://www.afa.net/Detail.aspx?id=2147497139"><span style="font-family:verdana;">Here </span></a><span style="font-family:verdana;">is the original story. </span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;">Big naked hugs! </span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;">Babs</span>Babs Gladhandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05120612577936100239noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33851732.post-54740504336940718542010-08-03T13:06:00.004-05:002010-08-03T13:51:39.136-05:00To Gay or Not to Gay<span style="font-family:verdana;">Tom Brock is a Lutheran pastor in Minnesota. Does anybody else <em>always</em> hear the word "Minnesota" said with a Minnesotan accent? </span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;">Me, too. And then I have a complete conversation going on in my head between two Minnesotans. One of them is ALWAYS named Tom, and they're always getting ready to go have some beers. </span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;">Am I starting to sound a bit nuts? I am, aren't I? Welcome to my head, kids. It's a circus of crazy in here! <br /><br />Speaking of nuts, let's get back to Tom. He recently told the AP that even though he's sexually attracted to men, that since he's never actually had his peepee in another man nor has he had another man's peepee in him, then he isn't gay.<br /><br />He may or may not have actually used the term 'peepee'. He also may or may not actually know the meaning of the word 'gay'. <br /><br />Tom is reportedly a memeber of a support group for Christians who struggle with same sex attraction. Um, to be more accurate, I really think the support group should be classified as people with same sex attractions who struggle with being a Christian. After all, one is perfectly natural and the other is contrived, at best, and requires vast stretches of the imagaination. Not to mention worshiping a man-god who wants you to eat his flesh and drink his blood. </span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;"><br />Tom also had this to say about the gay, "I think we're all born heterosexual actually, and then stuff goes wrong,"</span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;">I think it's obvious from the phrase "stuff goes wrong" that Tom is not only a man of god, but he's also highly scientific. I'm talkin' through the roof scientific. </span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;">He also believes that anyone who engages in homosexuality is going to go to hell. Do you know what this means? It means that all of you gays and lesbians are going to have such an easy time getting laid in hell. </span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;">I'm not sure it's fair. </span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;">And, Tom? Dude. You're like totally gay. </span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;">Much love, </span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;">Babs</span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;">You can check out the full story </span><a href="http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5hFpCkKdCUlY_nixiPDT0YcXmc0zwD9HBKO5G0"><span style="font-family:verdana;">here</span></a><span style="font-family:verdana;">. </span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;"></span>Babs Gladhandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05120612577936100239noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33851732.post-40571623645871918492010-07-31T08:21:00.006-05:002010-07-31T09:43:36.731-05:00Holy Fucking Shit!!!<span style="font-family:verdana;">I have been blogging about Jesus sightings for almost 4 years. Jesus has shown up for people all across the world, but never for me. No matter how much I begged and pleaded and offered him blowjobs, Jesus has been just a total bitch about me seeing him.<br /><br />Until now.<br /><br />Yesterday I found Jesus. Did you hear that people? I FUCKING FOUND JESUS! I am so excited I'm damn near speechless!<br /><br />It turns out Jesus has been waiting for me in a cemetery up in a tree. I can't disclose the location for fear that Jesus will be overrun with people wanting to touch his tree or carve chunks out of it to take home with them.<br /><br />Unlike most of the other Jesus sightings, I don't have to even circle or outline or draw arrows to where Jesus is. You know what this means? Jesus obviously loves me more than all of those other people and he's probably ready for his beej.<br /><br /><br /><br /><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 333px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5500060684448262338" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJqvRkGLYQ1FC9cHkJ5Iq2bd1-sMtGltoW40cgr2urg5c5ICGlivNGfnb7SR6WBCVwmo2tAGmrno56t2PXpL8gvadmuw0xixyWA2L2VHK92DimnWEMpg-8vPI6mpv7Kqw3Zx-ZCQ/s400/Jesus+in+a+tree.jpg" /><br /><br />Hugs and big wet kisses,<br />Babs<br /><br /></span>Babs Gladhandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05120612577936100239noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33851732.post-47260073334009510522010-07-25T13:39:00.015-05:002010-07-26T14:35:48.044-05:00Burnin' Down the House Home<span style="font-family:Verdana;"></span><br /><div><span style="font-family:verdana;">Those lovely fuckers over at the American Family Association have declared war on Home Depot. They are encouraging citizens of our fine country to enter Home Depots across America armed with flame throwers and then start burning the place down. You can also rape or pillage, but it's probably a good idea to start those prior to the fire.<br /><br />Okay, I may have made up the previous paragraph, but the AFA is boycotting Home Depot because the reprobates at Home Depot support diversity and the AFA is against anyone who isn't exactly like they are. The president of the AFA, Tim Wildmon, also known as the Chief of Douchebaggery, had this to say about it,“It’s no longer ‘The Home Depot,’ it’s now ‘The Homosexual Depot.’" That's actually pretty funny. I'm sure Tim didn't meant it to be, but I think it has a nice ring to it. How nice?<br /><br /></span><p><span style="font-family:verdana;">This nice. <img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 400px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5498298623574361922" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgICcpBuRx9uW6QzRdQjscW9TzsD3BqTCe2Zm1M46sMAHa2QXrnaj_prE1r8BFGjFxMQuRKM906MvPpkpdkllbdQzME2N-JKHjQXw23NkzzyHVVJ9I-t4GpG6g1wqy_GRvLOELpjQ/s400/home+depot+gayed+up.jpg" /></span></p><span style="font-family:verdana;"><br />Be careful when you go into a Home Depot store, because since embracing the homosexual agenda, the hardware department is not what it used to be. <br /><br />You can read about it </span><a href="http://www.afa.net/Media/PressRelease.aspx?id=2147496748"><span style="font-family:verdana;">here</span></a><span style="font-family:verdana;">.</span><br /><p><span style="font-family:verdana;">Big smooches,<br />Babs</p></div></span>Babs Gladhandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05120612577936100239noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33851732.post-89998687022549044402010-07-23T08:18:00.005-05:002010-07-23T17:17:38.674-05:00Raysing the Bar<span style="font-family:verdana;">*UPDATE* Ray took down the paragraph he'd written about me on his webpage. But, I had already saved it, so here it is.<br /><br /></span><br /><blockquote><span style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="color:#ff0000;">Due to the actions of an atheist thief who has stolen my material and posted evil postings about our Christian beliefs. She refuses to remove her sarcastic evil rantings about Christianity and God and refuses to remove the pictures of my material that she has stolen from me. I have had to post this warning. Disclaimer: I certify that everything on this site is real and that I have personally experienced what I have written below. All material on this site is copyright protected. Do not copy, link, modify, or reproduce any material on this site without my express permission. Any violation will result in legal action. If you would like a copy of any of my photos below with an express license please let me know and I will be happy to send you one.<br /></span></blockquote></span><p><span style="font-family:verdana;">Also, Ray has taken all of the mentions of his holy cracker being a Ritz cracker and has taken off the pictures of the Ritz box. I guess he figured out that he was doing a little bit of copyright infringement on his own. </span></p><p><a href="http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:Le7H7UaEqfgJ:rayskitchen.com/cracker2.htm+ray+favereau&cd=1&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=us"><span style="font-family:verdana;">Here </span></a><span style="font-family:verdana;">is a cached version of his webpage that still has the Ritz pics on it. </span></p><p><span style="font-family:verdana;">*End of update*</span></p><span style="font-family:verdana;">It's official. Ray is like totally infatuated with me!You know how I know? Because he wrote a love poem to me on his Jesus cracker page. See for yourself.<br />It's right<br /><br />I love that he wrote it in red because red is the color of Jesus' blood. It's also the color of Valentine hearts. And roses. And Jesus' blood!<br /><br />Ray has very generously offered to send a copy of his Jesus cracker photos to anyone who asks, so I think you guys know what to do. Get over to Ray's page and get you some Jesus cracker pics.<br /><br /></span><a href="http://rachelmurie.blogspot.com/2010/07/cracker-please.html"><span style="font-family:verdana;">Here </span></a><span style="font-family:verdana;">is the post that started this lovefest between Ray and I.<br /><br />I think I love Ray more than I love Jesus, and that's a lot!<br /><br />Smacks on the ass,<br />Babs </span>Babs Gladhandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05120612577936100239noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33851732.post-77348101369052077992010-07-22T21:10:00.005-05:002010-07-22T23:31:49.378-05:00Ray + Babs = True Love ForeverRay sent me another email tonight. A few more of these and I'll be picking out the silverware pattern. <p></p><blockquote><p>If this material is not removed immediately, I will give your personal<br />information to my attorney, and we will pursue legal punitive damages for<br />slander, personal defamation, and copyright infringement.<br /><br />Raymond Favereau</p><p></p></blockquote>For those of you who don't know why Ray wants to sue me, it's because of <a href="http://rachelmurie.blogspot.com/2010/07/cracker-please.html">this </a>post. I think it's obvious that Ray is named Ray because he's a ray of sunshine! <br /><br />Smooches,<br />Babs!Babs Gladhandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05120612577936100239noreply@blogger.com0