September 27, 2010

The Straight Agenda

I've decided that since the radical homosexuals have their own agenda, I should come up with a counter-agenda. I haven't gotten very far with what my counter-agenda will be.  Mostly because I'm not very organized and I tend to be pretty fucking lackadaisical about agendas. 

But here's what I'm working on:

1. An anti-gay agenda spray. It will be formulated to kill 98.9% of the bacteria that make up the gay agenda.

2. An actual photo of a radical homosexual. I'd prefer a live capture, but I have a feeling that a radical homosexual is pretty hard to corner, much less get a pillowcase over their head.

3. Coming up with a different name for radical homosexuals, because "radical homosexuals" takes too many syllables to say.

If you can come up with an alternate name for "radical homosexuals", let me know in the comments. 
Loads of very straight love,

September 17, 2010

The Radical Homosexuals Meet the Big O

President Obama has a secret plan.  A devious, secret plan.  An appalling, devious, secret plan.  What is his plan?  He wants to imbed homosexuals in every government agency possible.   How do I know of this secret plan?  Because my buddy Eugene Delgaudio (if that's his real name) over at Public Advocate sent me an email telling me that President Obama is planning to "saturate the federal government with radical homosexuals".  I know that Eugene is telling me the truth, too.  For starters, even though Eugene has liberally peppered his email with requests for donations, I know he would never lie to me just to get money.  In fact, I wrote Eugene back and made him pinky swear that he was telling me the truth.  I know a virtual pinky swear isn't the same as the real thing, but it still counts, goddammit! 

Plus, I have my own sources and they've informed me that President Obama even has a slogan for his evil plan, "A homosexual in every pot." 

Eugene also let me know that the radical homosexuals' number one mission is to spread their agenda.  I had a cousin who spread her agenda once and she ended up needing a round of antibiotics.  You have to be careful with your agenda spreading, kids. 

Mr. Delgaudio doesn't ever say what would happen should the government be overrun by the gays and lesbians, but I'm thinking it would involve show tunes and softball games.  And seqins.  Lots of sequins. 

The scariest part of Eugene's email is that Barney Frank is trying to get the Gay Bill of Special Rights passed.  I have no idea what unholy thing the Gay Bill of Special Rights is, but I have my sources working on it.  So far I've learned that #3 on the Gay Bill of Special Rights is, "Dykes will receive a 25% discount on anything that's made of flannel." I'll post it in its entirety when I obtain this information. 

Smacks on the ass,

September 15, 2010

T-Shirts and Magnets and Stickers, Oh My!

I have blasphemous t-shirts, magnets, bumper stickers and more for sale in my Zazzle shop.

Why are you still looking at this page? 

Great big wet smooches,

September 8, 2010

Excuse Me, But Your Holy Book's Aflame

So Dove Outreach Center is going to burn some Qurans on Saturday and now everyone is getting all bent out of shape and scared that there will be anti-American protests.  Well, I'm bent out of shape, too, but only because I think the Reverend Terry Jones, head preacher man at Dove, is a total pussy for merely burning Qurans.  Grow a pair, Rev! If you really want to offend the Muslims, burn an actual Muslim.  Better yet, stuff one of them in a pig that's dressed up like Muhammad and then burn the whole thing. 

See?  Now that's the way to piss off the Muslims. 

Which I don't want to do, because they might kill me.

In other news about religions that I really knowing nothing about, Rosh Hashanah began at tonight at sundown. I have no idea what Rosh Hashanah is except it's Jewish and sounds like it could be a Jewish sasquatch.

Make sure you eat all your gifelte fish, kids, or the Rosh Hashanah will come and eat you. 

I'm kidding.  I know what Rosh Hashanah is. 

It's when the Jews celebrate how they killed Jesus. 

Now That's a Spicy Matzo Ball!

September 3, 2010

Banana Trumps Science

You guys remember Ray Comfort?  The guy that hangs out with Kirk Cameron and says that a banana proves the existence of god.  The Ray I blogged about here.  Yeah.  Banana Ray.  So, Ray has his banana in a bunch because of Stephen Hawking's new book in which Hawking states that the creation of our universe didn't require any god.  You know what Ray said about Stephen Hawking?  He said that he was unscientific.

Let me say rephrase that. 

Ray Comfort,  the dude who attempts to prove there's a god by using a banana, said that Stephen Hawking, the fucking brilliant theoretical physicist, is unscientific. 

He then went on to show even more of his total and complete grasp of science by stating, "Nor should an atheist speak of gravity as being a 'law,' because that also denotes the axiom of a Law-giver. Laws don't happen by themselves."

Ray, I could explain to you how you're an imbecile, but I don't think you'd be able to understand because, well, you're an imbecile.  So, I've made a graph for you.  With pictures.  

Well, I guess I was wrong.  You aren't smart enough to be an imbecile, Ray.  In fact, it looks like you're dumber than George W. Bush.  You should just go find a cave to live in now.  

Don't forget your helmet!  

Big Hugs,  

September 1, 2010

Homocon Sounds Like a Gay Repellant

I'm sure you've all heard by now that the gay Republican group, GOProud is hosting Homocon this month and that Ann Coulter is the keynote speaker.  Ann "a huge cunt if I ever saw one" Coulter was also scheduled to be the keynote speaker for World Net Daily's very un-gay shindig the "Taking America Back National Conference", but WND dropped her gay-promoting ass when they learned about her HomoCon gig. 

Joseph Farah, founder of WND, is like way, way pissed at Ann and said that all future moustache rides for her have been cut off, which is a shame because Joey has quite the pornstache. 

Now Joey is throwing a fit and posted a rant on the WND website stating that Homocon was aptly named because it "literally represents the homo conning of the Republican Party".  You tell 'em, Joey.  It's just like ComicCon literally representing the comic conning of the Nerd Party.  God help us all if those liberty-hating nerds get the right to marry fellow nerds.  Think of all the little nerdlets we'll have running around!  I think we are all well aware that nerds, geeks and people who are just generally dorky are some of the most un-patriotic citizens we have...if they really ARE citizens. 

Joey also states that GOProud supports special government perks for homosexuals.  I really have no clue what he's talking about, but depending on the what the perks are, I could be persuaded to bat for the other team.  So if any one you know about these, please drop me a line, okay? 

I dunno what to tell you, Mr. Fabulously Fanatical Farah.  Your conservative peers have obviously pussed out and caved into the gay agenda.  Just so you know, I'm pretty sure the next item on their agenda is to actually start shopping at the same grocery stores as us.  Imagine the carnage that will ensue once they start spreading the gay all over the zucchini and casaba melons! 

You can read Joey's rant here
Here is the link to Homocon.

Great big smooches!