Tomorrow I am getting out of bum fuck. I'm positively giddy. And, I don't do giddy often. Thomas and I are driving down to Hot Springs, AR. I know. It's still Arkansas, but Hot Springs is kinda like you're in Arkansas, but you're not. They actually have ethnic restaurants there that aren't Taco Bell.
I really should get out more.
They Call it News
It's time once again for news from the local paper, and I've typed it exactly as printed. Except for the italicized parts which are my smartass comments.
Try to contain yourselves.
- Gertie Burnett and son, Marion Smith, went to the Senior Center Tuesday 19th for a Christmas party. They reported a very enjoyable time. Gertie would like to inform whoever it may concern that bought an EZ bake oven at her garage sale that she has found the little pans for it. I honestly can't put into words the immense relief I felt when I read this. Thank the powers that be that the little pans are no longer lost and will soon be reunited with their light-bulb heated oven.
- In a panic, Kindergartener, Chase Boatright asked me to call his mother, Chonda to remind his mother to please bring his teacher, Mrs. Mosley her present for the Christmas party. Here comes Chonda with present, camera and camcorder in hand as she arrived for the event. What would we do without mothers? What does this even mean?
- A man said that he had hired a neighbor to assist him with some labor and that when the neighbor left in a "huff" because of the work he noticed his laptop computer and tape measure were missing. I had to read this three times before I understood what the fuck it was supposed to mean. Well, duh! He had to take the tape measure. How else would he know what size laptop bag to buy?
- While out enjoying the Christmas lights, Edna saw quite a site. Never before had she seen Christmas yard decorations and lights of four large green alligators with big teeth, long tails wearing red Christmas stocking caps. It was almost scary, she said! The caps were on their tails? Was Edna wearing the caps? Alligators as Christmas decor is almost scary? Why the exclamation point?!!!!?
- Finally, a headline: Elkins seniors chase a rooster for Christmas. Hey. You guys celebrate Christmas your way. We like to chase farm animals as part of the festivities.
Do you see why I'm so happy about getting away?
Church Sign O' the Week
"Try God. If you don't like him, the Devil will take you. "
A contingency plan. Nice.
2 Must Read Blogs
The first is What is Hip, and trust me, Don knows what's hip. In fact, I think Don invented hip. He was at least one of the founding fathers of hip. He's also very funny, and he writes in complete sentences. Plus, he lives in a neighborhood, which makes me very jealous.
The second is Fantasy Writer Guy. He was nice enough to write a post about me, but this isn't a tit-for-tat thing. Dear god. Did I just use the phrase tit-for-tat? I'm not sure what possessed me to do that. Anyway, FWG has a fabulous blog. Seriously. If you can read his posts without laughing then there is no hope for you.
Take Care,
The Bablatrice - who is still giddy. Giddy, I tell ya.
Ooh, thank you so for flumming my diddle! Or diddling my flum. Hm. Don't know if your husband's cool with that or not. Anyway, some day I'll write a post explaining the name. It's rather a long and interesting story, actually. See, when I was-- *urrrrrrrg-g-gh*
ReplyDeleteOh no. Oh dear. She titted for my tat. I should have known this would happen. I have to stop throwing up tats like that. Now its just a big ol tit-tattin mutual admiration society.
ReplyDeleteOh well. At least we're better off than Don. Someone strangled the poor boy mid sentence. Poor Don. He seemed so nice. I hope they find the bastard who did it.
Don = My husband is absolutely okay with me flumming your diddle, but he's a little iffy on me diddling your flum.
ReplyDeleteFWG - I agree. If you toss your tats around you don't know what might happen.